Sunday, January 30, 2005

I don't understand why people make computer viruses.
Why would you bother?
It must be really hard to do.
I could never do that.
It must take a lot of time, attention span, and math skill.
When I use a computer I just check my email and post things on this blog.
That's about it. That's as far as I take it.
Sometimes if I'm feeling really crazy I'll google something.
But no computer virus making for me.
I will never do that.

But if I were capable of making a computer virus
and if it happened to be my thing(because I had suddenly lost my mind).
I would just make a harmless computer virus.
It would just type random messages on people's computers like:

"Get snacks. Now. Get snacks, then rub them on this computer screen. Hurry, I'm hungry."

Friday, January 14, 2005

I just got a haircut and thought it looked good.
Until I walked through the rain without an umbrella,
then stepped in another puddle.
That puddle probably knows the other puddle I stepped in yesterday.
I bet they're tight.
It was it's revenge.
It's way of saying,
"How dare you call my best friend sneaky, and claim that it wasn't being honest with itself.
My friend is shy.
Back off.
P.S. Your haircut sucks."

Thursday, January 13, 2005

I just stepped in a puddle that was hiding under the snow.
Talk about being sneaky.
That puddle needs to be more honest with itself.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I have something else I want to take back.
Remember a few posts ago when I typed about how I hated a person from my past who said that Trident wrappers were edible?
I decided I don't hate them.
That's fine that they said that.
I also think it's fine that they enjoyed chewing on Trident wrappers.
We all have our quirks.
Who am I to point fingers and be hateful?

Also, I said that I didn't care if you told them that I hated them.
I take that back too.
Now I care.
DON'T tell them that.

It's probably too late though, huh?
I bet you went and told them.
Didn't you?
I knew I couldn't trust you.
Big mouth!
I can't tell you anything.
I hate you now.
We're in a fight now.
I'm not talking to you for weeks.

Monday, January 10, 2005

I take it back, I no longer want to get a ski mask.
They are pretty damn scary looking.
Even when no one is wearing them and they're just lying there.
Also, I wear glasses.
So when I wear a ski mask I look like a dorky bank robber.
I think I'm all set with that.

Friday, January 07, 2005

I wonder who invented gum.
It must have been hard for them to introduce the concept to people:

"It's like a snack, but don't swallow."

Everyone probably made fun of that person for awhile.
Then they got fed up and thought of a snappy comeback to all the gum taunts.
They probably said something like,

"Fine go ahead and chew on your own cud, like a cow.
I'll be over here chewing on this gum I just invented instead.
I'll see you cows later. Moo!".

Then eventually everyone got sick of being mooed at by the gum inventor.
So they were like,

"Fine, jack-ass we'll have a piece. Just stop your mooing."

Then they liked it and it caught on.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

I bet gum chewing can turn into a problem for some people.
Like maybe there are people who lose control when handed a pack of gum.
Rather than chew just one piece, they chew all the pieces so their mouth is overfilled with gum.
Then they make important phone calls to people.
But the person on the other end of the phone is like,
"What? I don't understand what you're saying.
Call me back when you have less gum in your mouth."

That would be a huge problem if you did that.
I wouldn't suggest doing that.
I wonder if 20/20 ever ran a story on gum chewing problems like that.
I'm sure they did.
Or, maybe they didn't get to it yet.
Who knows.
Not me.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I don't remember if it was in college or junior high,
but at one of those times someone spread a rumor that the wrappers on Trident gum were edible.
And I listened to them.
I can't believe it.
How could that person do that?
They obviously had a problem.
I hate them.
You can go ahead and tell them that I said that too.
I don't care, go ahead.
I wonder what that person is up to these days...
I bet they're chewing on Trident wrappers still.
Still spreading rumors about it.
That's so like them.
Either that or maybe they turned it up a notch and chew on regular paper now.
I bet right now they are in the corner of an art supply store just chewing away on a pack of construction paper.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Then I bet they'll drink some paint from a can to wash it down.
I bet they live in NY too.
That's usually what those kinds of people do.
They move to NY.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

So, remember how I said I finally got the ski mask in my last post?
I totally lied.
I didn't get one.
I got a pack of Trident sugarless gum though.
But then I lost it and had to buy another pack.
I really am going to get a ski mask though.

Monday, January 03, 2005

I finally got that ski mask I was typing about before.
Sorry for the delay, but I got distracted.
Also, I don't like to rush into things.
I wanted to wait for 2005 to kick in.
I'm so glad I waited...
I really know how to ring in the New Year.