Val Kappa is a stand-up comic and artist who has appeared on Comedy Central and was the voice of Clarice on the cult cartoon "Home Movies". These are random things that she typed. All material Copyright 2004-2017 Val Kappa. All Rights Reserved.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Attack of the Bumble Bee
Today as I was waiting to pull onto a highway, I heard a large buzzing noise
and
discovered that there was a bumble bee in the car and it was flying very close to me
and
looked like it might land on my arm.
For some reason when this happened I thought:
Don't show it your fear! That will only provoke it. Bees smell fear!
Then I realized this was stupid
and
decided the smartest thing to do was stare at the bee and send it a telepathic message saying:
Please leave you are kind of scaring me because I didn't realize bumble bees were this furry. Just leave and fly out the window before I pull onto the highway.
Sure enough the bee did leave and fly out the window
but
I don't think it was because of my telepathic message.
I think it was because it was bored because I didn't start screaming
and
it saw that there were no flowers in the car.
It happened quickly but I'm pretty sure the bee looked EXACTLY like this:

Be on the lookout!
Today as I was waiting to pull onto a highway, I heard a large buzzing noise
and
discovered that there was a bumble bee in the car and it was flying very close to me
and
looked like it might land on my arm.
For some reason when this happened I thought:
Don't show it your fear! That will only provoke it. Bees smell fear!
Then I realized this was stupid
and
decided the smartest thing to do was stare at the bee and send it a telepathic message saying:
Please leave you are kind of scaring me because I didn't realize bumble bees were this furry. Just leave and fly out the window before I pull onto the highway.
Sure enough the bee did leave and fly out the window
but
I don't think it was because of my telepathic message.
I think it was because it was bored because I didn't start screaming
and
it saw that there were no flowers in the car.
It happened quickly but I'm pretty sure the bee looked EXACTLY like this:
Be on the lookout!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Today was the Boston marathon.
I think it's amazing that everyone who did it, did it
and
I'm sure it must feel so rewarding to complete the running of that.
But for me the biggest reward would be wearing the silver/aluminum cape that is given to you when you are finished.
I saw a bunch of people walking around Boston wearing them today
and
it made me want to train for a marathon for that one reason alone:
to have an excuse to walk around the streets of Boston wearing a large shimmery silver cape.
I think it's amazing that everyone who did it, did it
and
I'm sure it must feel so rewarding to complete the running of that.
But for me the biggest reward would be wearing the silver/aluminum cape that is given to you when you are finished.
I saw a bunch of people walking around Boston wearing them today
and
it made me want to train for a marathon for that one reason alone:
to have an excuse to walk around the streets of Boston wearing a large shimmery silver cape.
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