I would be a bad news reporter.
I always pass on information way too late,
like after it happened.
Way after.
If I had a column it would be called, "No Shit"

I would be a bad weather reporter too.
Everyone would be pissed about my reports.
Because I'd say,
"Bundle up, it's going to be cold"
Then people would be like,
"It was 90 degrees out, and I bundled up. I can't believe I listened to the weather girl!"

Then to defend myself I would say,
"I meant 6 months ago. It was cold back then. You should have bundled up...then."