Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I love street performers.
No matter what they do they seem to draw a crowd
everyone always seems excited to see them,
including me.

Banging on a pot with a wooden spoon: crowd pleaser.
Walking on glass with bare feet: crowd pleaser.

It seems like no matter what you do you can't go wrong.
I think the only art that wouldn't go over on the street performing circuit is stand-up.
That would just be absurd.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I used to own huge flourescent pink earmuffs when I was a kid.
They were so huge that everytime I wore them people would laugh and say,
"Damn, those are what I call earmuffs!."

Then I would pretend I couldn't hear them.

I think the only way the earmuffs could have more obnoxious is if they played music
I blared it
was always breakdancing when I wore them.

Why am I telling you this?
I'm considering buying a new obnoxious pair and wearing them whenever I ride on public transportation.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Yelling when angry is definitely better than whispering when angry.
If you're mad don't start whispering.
That's just annoying.
Just so you know!

Monday, September 11, 2006

When I'm not sure what to say,
I just show people pictures of stuffed animals that I've won at carnivals...

Friday, September 08, 2006


When I get angry with people I don't yell at them.
I just write negative comments about them on a piece of paper,
then fold the paper into a paper airplane and throw it at their head.
By the time they unfold it and read the secret message, I have already left the room.
This means:
They won't be able to write negative comments about me on a piece of paper, fold it into a paper airplane and throw it at my head.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Do people need to be trained and certified before they are allowed to buy a chainsaw?
I hope those people are licensed...
I feel the same way about lawn mowers.

Have a great Labor Day weekend everybody!