Sunday, December 30, 2007

Last night I did a set at the Comedy Studio(in Cambridge) and tried out new material that was mainly stories.
After the show I went downstairs to the bar with friends and the Patriots game was playing.
It brought a cool energy to the room.
I ended up missing the moment when the Patriots actually won because I was too busy yapping away.
So I just took this this picture of other people experiencing the game, who actually saw the winning moment:

I'm not sure what the referee is anouncing on the tv screen
I imagine he is saying something like,
"Hey you guys, they totally won again."

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Happy Holidays!!!
For some reason I can put pictures on my blog again!
Hope you all have/had a wonderful holiday and that you have a great New Year!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I've done some Christmas shopping but am not completely done yet.
My shopping method is:
"power walk through the mall until you see things that catch your eye and seem like you should buy them".
This is very effective.
If there were a job where I could teach a course on this I would apply for it(part time)
I think it would be fun to power walk through a mall with a bunch of people and yell,
"Just grab things! Follow your heart!"
have no one in the mall know what the hell we were doing.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I think it's time for me to stop my sleepytime tea drinking habit.
I had another cup last night and added an extra tea bag
it was very effective again(only this time I didn't have any intense dreams).
What happens if I become too dependant on it and it becomes a problem?
I used 2 tea bags last night...
by next week I could be up to 4 and I could selling things I own on street corners just so I could buy another box.
Then the next thing I know I'm in rehab for my sleepytime tea problem.
I'm sitting in a circle with all of the other rehab people
one by one we announce what has brought us to rehab.
One person says, "Hard core drugs!".
The next person says, "Hard core drinks!"
Then they get to me
I'm clutching an empty sleepytime time box and twitching as I say,
"Sleepytime tea..."
Everyone calls me a pussy
refuses to be my rehab pal
I am left alone in the ping pong room(which I'm sure they have at the rehab building)
playing solitaire ping pong against the wall...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

It's as though the tea fairy knew I was coming...
I've been having trouble sleeping at night lately so I went out to buy some chamomile tea as a way to combat that.
When scanning the tea section my attention was caught by a tea called, "Sleepytime Tea".
It had a picture of a bear sleeping in a chair wearing a night gown and night cap.
It boasted of using Valerian root as it's sleeping aid herb.
I was immediately sold and shocked that my original intention was to buy chamomile tea.
Who the hell buys a tea called "Chamomile" that has a boring picture on it's box
when they can buy a tea called "Sleepytime" that has a picture of an adorable bear sleeping on the cover?!
Not me!
I immediately grabbed the tea and ran to the cash register pushing and shoving people out of my way(not really).

The tea works amazing! It made me fall asleep in a short amount of time
I had an intense dream...
I dreamt that I was going to be performing at a college.
Normally when I do a show at a college I do an hour of comedy
that's what I was expecting to do at this show in the dream.
When I got to the venue though there was a huge blinking sign that said,
2 Hours of Val Kappa!?

I immediatey began to panic. I found the person in charge she was wearing a t-shirt that said,
Yes, you have to do 2 hours of comedy. You read the sign right. You have to do 2 hours, Val Kappa. It's the 2 hours of Val Kappa show!"

I walked away from that person and was approached by a guy that was wearing a t-shirt that said,
P.S. You'll be going on after "Heavy -Metal-Drummer-Dude". He'll be doing a 3 hour set of his heavy metal drumming. He usually gets the audience all rialed up and they end up getting into a huge fight. Hopefully your comedy will make them calm down and stop their fighting...

This was when I woke up and was very happy to learn that that was just a dream.
I'm going to drink the tea again tonight and see if I have more intense dreams...

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Damn camera!

I'm still unable to put pictures on here from my camera
it's eating away at my soul!
I didn't realize how much I used and relied on my camera.
Hopefully I'm just being an idiot
it's just a matter of pressing a very obvious button
once I do that everything will be back to normal.
Till then I guess I'll just go outside and draw pictures in the dirt with a stick
start shouting for my neighbors to come over and take a look at my dirt sketches.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

I've been trying to do some catching up on watching movies that I haven't had the chance to see.
When I was a kid, my Mom would take me and my sister to see a lot of movies at the theatre.
Pretty much all of the movies she took us to see are known as classics today.
For some reason I had a habit of always falling asleep during them though..
I guess I had a bad attention span as a child.
The only thing I never fell asleep through were "I Love Lucy" re-runs.
Anyway, today I'm going to watch "The Last Unicorn":

It's one of the last movies on my "movies that I slept through as a kid" list.
After seeing it today I know that I will be at peace with myself and be able to move on with my life.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Never assume...
A couple of years ago I bought a black and white winter hat.
The hat is black and has a white "B" on the front of it.
I got it while I was waiting at the airport
assumed it was a Red Sox hat.
But now I'm thinking it would be kind of funny if the "B" wasn't even about the Red Sox
it turned out it actually stood for "Bitch".
It was a trick thought up by the person who owned the hat cart.
He just woke up really pissed one day and thought:
I need a way to secretly insult strangers! I know what I'll do I'll open a cart that sells hat's with a "B" on them then people will buy them thinking it shows their support of the Red Sox but little do they know it stands for me calling them a bitch!

So the day I bought that hat I was all happy about my new Red Sox hat
meanwhile this guy is thinking:

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Lottery
I have never once seen anyone win at any of these claw machine things:

If I were to win I would make a point to make a huge deal about it
overeact and start screaming.
Because I would want to be sure that everyone who was around never forgot about that time they actually saw someone win something from one of those claw machine things.

I was tempted to try my luck at the claw machine based on this picture that was on the front of it:

Monday, November 12, 2007

Who knew...
I wasn't aware of the fact that buying chicken paws was an option:

I think I'll say, "No thank you" to that one.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Is this coin jar possessed?

I think it looks like it is.
I think it's supposed to be a squirrel or chipmunk.
It looks like it's out for revenge over...skippy?
Maybe not.
In either case I found that my coin jar was filled with change today
it was high time that I tried to use a Coin Star machine at a supermarket.
Enough with rolling up coins and showing up at a bank with them!
I felt it was time to make the switch to showing up at the supermarket with my evil-squirrel/chipmunk-skippy-coin jar
dumping my change into a machine like a crazy lady.
It was well worth it
very liberating.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Strange red people!
When I saw these red things in plastic bubbles from far away I totally thought they were a boston based dance troupe who were demonstrating the newest way to work your core muscles:

Saturday, October 27, 2007

I walked by a peace rally going on at the Boston Common today:

These three had some thoughts to share too:

Friday, October 26, 2007

I felt like I needed more pictures of myself standing in front of a brick wall...

Monday, October 22, 2007

This picture could have been really cool if I didn't manage to make it come out so blurry:

I'm posting it anyway!

This one is a little clearer...

Sunday, October 21, 2007

I like watching professional athletes play sports every now and then
when a person or a team wins we can all see why they won.
No one can argue about it and say, "I just don't see why they won, they're not that good..."
we all saw that person or team win when they scored the most points.
It's not a matter of opinion. It's a fact.

Sometimes I feel bad for athletes when their game is on tv
if they make a mistake like running full speed into a wall or tripping over there own feet
it gets played over and over and over again.
Then after it's played over and over again they seem to play it one more time in slow motion(just as a reminder).
If I was that person who ran into the wall or tripped over my own feet I would totally lie and claim that I did it on purpose
then just say somthing like,
"I'll do anything for a laugh!"
Then I would give everyone a squiggle pen.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Don't even tempt me!

The other day I got a package in the mail from a pen company.
For some reason I get a package from them once a year that contains a pen.
This year's pen was called, "The Squiggle Pen".
It looked like this:

It was wrapped in oversized bubble wrap and came with instructions on how I could order 900 more of them that had my name written on them or some kind of special message like, "Follow your heart!"
I found myself being a little bit too excited about this.
I said, "The Squiggle Pen and bubble wrap!"(out loud and with a high volume).
It made me feel like I was six years old and had just found one of those free prizes in the cereal box.
It's like the pen company knows me
knows exactly how to get inside my head and trick me into ordering 900 squiggle pens
I'm so tempted to do it.
There's something comforting about the thought of just knowing that I randomly have 900 squiggle pens stashed away in a secret place
at any given moment I can walk up to a stranger and say,
Here have a Squiggle Pen...
Then just walk away without saying anything else.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Cows, everywhere!

Have you ever had one of those nights when you're walking to your car(or whatever you use to travel) at night
you seem to cross paths with ceramic-ish cows?
It happens to me all the time.

This one seems to be mocking/laughing at me:

This one seems to be having a bad night:

Monday, October 08, 2007

As you can see, I wasn't very successful when I sat down and decided to do some writing today:

I don't think any of this will make the cut.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

These kids and their helicopters these days!!!
When I was a kid the 25cent/50cent rides were way cooler at the front of Walmart/Kmart-esgue department stores.
It used to just be an orange horse that looked like it was leaping through the air.
It was a very kick ass horse
it was a good time and a half!
But I guess things have evolved since then now there is this helicopter:

Which I must say is cool.

And a random red jeep:

Which is lame!
After riding in the car with your parent(s) why would you want to spend more time pretending to ride in another one
only in this round pay 50cents?
It all makes me wonder if when I was a kid
riding the leaping orange horse
were there people who saw me riding it and thought:
I can't believe they got rid of the 25cent covered wagon ride!
These kids don't know what they're missing!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I performed in Keene, NH tonight.

Here's Dan Sally:

He was nice enough to come along with me and perform too. So luckily I didn't have to drive up alone.

Here are some of the people who came out to the show:

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Ew, gross...
I spotted this when I was leaving a show tonight
by the sound system:

The combo of berries+cigars sounds like one of the grossest combos I have ever heard of in the history of combos.
I think it will haunt me in my sleep.
I don't know who's cigars these are
I totally picture the person to be wearing a flourescent pink zoot suit.

NOTE: The only reason why I know what a zoot suit is is because I once saw it in an epiode of "Tom and Jerry".

Good night.
I'm going to bed now.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Actually I don't think that thing in the last post is even a handbag...
It's clearly a lunch box for children.
I better save it just in case I have kids.
It would make the perfect kindergarten lunch box for my son or daughter(whose name would be Wedgie).

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I don't know what I was thinking when I bought this or even remember when that purchase happened
this is mine.
It's mainly filled with old library cards, and other un-"bitchy" items.
So I guess it wasn't an honest buy...

Monday, September 17, 2007

I've been using the words "razzle dazzle" a lot lately(for some reason).
Then today I saw this adorable dog:

and asked, "What's your dog's name?"
her owner said,
"Her name is...Razzle Dazzle."
Wedgie Patrol!

This sign made me laugh because it made me picture a bar full of drunk people
constantly yelling,
"Wedgie Patrol!" at one another and giving each other wedgies,
then exchanging high fives.

Friday, September 07, 2007

The first time I ever made a prank phone call was at a friend's birthday party in elementary school.
We were playing the game,"Girltalk":

I got a dare to call someone and say,
"I want to order a pizza", then hang up the phone.

I haven't stopped laughing since!
(Don't worry I'm joking about the "I haven't stopped laughing since" part).

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I have caught a bit of the US Open(the tennis tournament) on tv
have been loving it.
It makes me wish I was in NY right now so I could be there checking out some matches in person.
It makes me want to go out and play tennis too.

I love when tennis players get fierce when they play
slam their racket down if they get pissed about something.

I wonder if tennis players are taught faces to make at their opponents to inimidate them.
If so I would love to have a part time job as
An intimidating -face-making-trainer- to the tennis pros.

PS. I think a majority of my blog is VERY grammatically incorrect.
Don't judge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

So, I guess when you meet people(especially in a job interview type setting),
it's always suggested that you smile a give a firm hand shake.
It's supposed to send a message that you're an optimistic soul
believe yourself.
I hate when people take it too far though and practically crush your hand in a hand shake
make it feel like if you don't escape their clutches NOW they may very well rip your arm off.
There's no need for that.
Calm the f@#$! down.
Because when you shake someone's hand like that you're basically saying,
"Hi I'm no stranger to cocaine
I also wake up at 4am and make it a point to strengthen my kung fu grip by doing exercises with these things:

Saturday, September 01, 2007

The Secret Sauce
I was walking to my car pretty late the other night
it was really quiet in the neighborhood because all of the bars and restaurants had closed.
I walked by one restaurant that was closed but you could tell that people were still inside cleaning up and stuff.
The back door of the restaurant quickly opened to reveal a guy holding a large plastic bucket from which he poured a mysterious liquid out of.
It was probably just grease from the fryer or something
because it was done so secretly, so late, and from the back door it looked like a bizarre cover-up
like maybe he was dumping a toxic liquid.
It made me feel like I should take out my camera and take a picture of him dumping the "seceret sauce"
yell something like,
"I'm telling the papers!!!"
Then run to my car and speed off so the wheels of the car make a screeching noise.
I decided to just be normal and not do that though.

Have a great Labor Day Weekend everybody!
Thanks for reading this!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I think people tend to think of tourists as being annoying.
I've never really found that to be the case in Boston
or Harvard Square. I've spent alot of time in these 2 locations doing comedy and holding some partime jobs in the past and I've always found the people visiting to be really cool. It's always made working and doing comedy there a lot of fun.

I think the only time I've seen a real annoying tourist situation was when I was living in NY.
I was walking through Times Square and got caught behind a group of slow walking tourists who were taking a lot of pictures.
Which is not the annoying part. Most people take pictures when they are visiting somewhere. It makes sense.
But the thing I found annoying is while walking behind them I noticed a bit of a protest going on to my right
it was really intense.
The tourists didn't seem to notice that though.
Instead they said,
"Oh my God you guys! Look it's the MTV building!"
put their focus on that and took a snapshot.
I think I would have gone the other route and taken a picture and been very "Oh my God!" by the intense protest.
But maybe if I had yelled, "Oh my God! A real protest!" and taken a picture of it,
they would have thought I was the annoying one.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

It would be really annoying if there was a reality show called,
"The Girly Push-up Challenge",
that followed the lives of 10 women who live in a house together
as they undergo "intense" training to make themselves physically capable of doing girly push-ups.
There would probably be one cast member who kept crying everytime she picked up a 5lb dumb bell weight
would say something like,
"I can't do it! This is too heavy for me! Why are you doing this to us!?"

Then a personal trainer would step forward and say,
"Because you said you wanted to be on the show...and you signed the release form and contract."

Then someone else would probably start crying too
say something like,
"This show is such a mind fuck!!!!"

Monday, August 27, 2007

You never know...

A few months back I was inspired to make my arms stronger in an attempt to eventually be able to do a chin up.
This inspiration came from always seeing a scene in action type movies where someone is hanging on to the edge of cliff(or something else) for dear life
the only thing that could possibly save them is:
a) someone magically showing up and hoisting them up to safety
b) they do a chin up and hoist themself up to safety.

Seeing this type of scene again and again made me think,
"Wow what if I were ever hanging on to an edge of a cliff(of someting else) for dear life?"

That was when I decided it was time to prepare myself for such a situation.
Thus began my training to survive a cliff hanging dilemna.

I started out having difficulty doing a mere 10 girly push-ups
now after a few months of training(with not much effort) I can do 40 girly push-ups without a problem.
This is not impressive.

In conclusion,
if I were to be hanging off of a cliff(or something else) for dear life,
I would most likely fall to my death.

at least I would be able to honestly yell,
"I can do 40 girly push-ups!"
as I fell down to my tragic death.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Straight to DVD nightmares

So for the last 2 nights I have been having these dreams at night that feel like horrific nightmares while I'm having them
then when I wake up, I'm like,
"That was such a stupid nightmare that it it wasn't even a nightmare."
While I was dreaming them they felt scary though.

"Nightmare" #1:
I went to an old school movie theatre alone.
I bought my ticket then I couldn't control where I was walking.
I ended up involuntary walking into the wrong theatre
sitting on someone's lap.
Then the movie started and it was one I had already seen before.
So I started screaming, as though something treacherous was happening.
Then the person whose lap I was sitting on said,
"You have to watch the whole movie...AGAIN!".

"Nightmare" #2:
I'm walking home from somewhere.
When I get to the door I notice it's unlocked.
So I carefully go inside.
I walk into the living room to find the tv is on(Sesame Street is the show that's on it).
Then I notice an empty Capri Sun drink on the couch.
This causes me to scream and run out of the house yelling,
"Someone has been here!"

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Oh technology!

Because of digital cameras I never bring pictures to be developed anymore
wanted to see if a few pictures I had stored online would translate well to print.
It so easy to print photos now. All it takes is a simple upload and an email.
Then within an hour or less you can have your photos ready
for some bizarre reason the 2 people who sent in their photos in just before you decided that they wanted to have 1000 photos developed each!
This exactly what happened to me this week.
If it hadn't been for these 2 people my pictures would have been ready in about 15 minutes
because of their 1000 photos each my 15 minutes turned into 12 hours.
Then when 12 hours was up my pictures still weren't ready.
I felt kind bitchy about it,
then kind of caught myself because I remembered a simpler time when I was a kid and took pictures with my Fisher Price camera and was perfectly happy with waiting for a week or even two weeks to see how the pictures I had taken of my stuffed animals had turned out.

I predict in the future cameras won't even exist.
We'll all just ear contact lenses and blink when we want to take a photo.
Then if you want to have your pictures developed all you'll have to do is puke.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Accidental gossip

It seems like being a gossip columnist might be a fun thing to be
you're one of those people who always has a guilty conscious
feels bad about talking crap about people when they leave the room.
I bet somewhere there is a highly successful gossip columnist who got there by accident.
They didn't mean for anyone to read that essay they wrote that trashed that one person,
but for some reason it fell into the hands of someone who read it and turned it into a money maker,
so they wrote another essay
then another
then another
then another
thought well I can't quit now...on my 5th essay.
So they stuck with it, just because.

It would probably be cooler to be the person who discovers the gossip columnist.
What would that job title be?
Bitch Scout?

Monday, August 20, 2007

Jerk at the hospital...

I wonder if people who work at hospitals have that one co-worker who is the "jerk at the hospital"
kind of like people who work at an office have a "jerk at the office".
I bet they do.
I bet at some point a woman went to a hospital to give birth to a baby,
then once she got into the delivery room the "jerk at the hospital" came bursting into the room
annoyed and embarrassed the hospital staff by saying something like,
"Looks like somebody got laid!"
then held his or her hand out and waited for a high five from the woman giving birth.

Friday, August 17, 2007

I think I'd be the worst person to be in a debate or argument with
this isn't because I'm good at arguing or debating with people.
It's because if someone says something I don't agree with I do one of three things:
1)Block out what they're saying and ignore them and flee from the scene.
2)Tell them that they suck.
3)Tell them that they should shut up.

Usually people get annoyed when you do that as a comeback in a debate or argument and they get even more annoying because then they start yelling their opinions at you.

That usually makes me laugh at them.

Then they get pissed off that I'm laughing at them and they walk away.

Then I yell,
"I totally won!" at them.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

That last post will probably be expanded into another unfinished screenplay, that I'll put in some pile somewhere and forget about...then one day I'll find it and decide it sucks and laugh at the fact that I spent a number of hours writing/typing a screenplay based on one line that randomly popped into my head when I was caught in traffic the other day.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Ineffective pick-up line:

Hey..are you the one I banged in high school?

Sunday, August 12, 2007

It wouldn't be long until the scene looked like this:

because I had gotten fired when it was discovered that I had been hanging up on everyone that called after saying,
to them.

Friday, August 10, 2007

This is what I would look like if I worked at an office and I actually listened to what people were saying when I was in charge of answering phones:

Thursday, July 26, 2007

I just killed a huge beetle-esque bug that was walking on my window sill.
It looked like it was limping.
Are bugs supposed to limp?
Large limping bugs are scarier than the other ones(just so you know).

Normally I would have just opened the screen on the window and let it fly back outside on it's own
but this bug didn't seem like it had wings.
It was just huge and limping.
If I had opened the window it would have probably limped out and fallen to it's death
or maybe not.

In either case I squashed it
could have sworn it had bones.
It refused to die.
Killing this bug felt like being in a street fight(I bet street fights totally feel like you're squashing a limping bug).
It finally died.
Now it's in my trash barrel and I'm convinced it's faking it's death
waiting for me to go to bed so it can limp out of the trash barrel when I'm sleeping
then attack me when I least expect it.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Disco sneakers!

I think when you talk to most people who go jogging
you ask them, "What motivates you to run eveyday?"
Most will say something like,
"I'm trying to get in shape."
"Gotta stay healthy!"
For me, the only reason for going jogging is for an excuse to wear my shiny disco sneakers.
If any project calls for the wearing of sparkly sneakers,
I'm in!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy Independence Day, Everybody!
Here's a picture of a flag:

It's not mine...I hope the person who owns it doesn't get pissed about it...

Friday, June 29, 2007

My Television debut...
happened alot sooner than I thought(sort of).
It happened in fourth grade when Chronicle(a popular New Enland news show) came to our elementary school.
I don't know what they were there to cover, but we watched the camera crew tape it outside from our classroom window
started waving wildly to try to grab their attention.
It worked.
Footage of our classroom full of waving kids appeared on the show for a brief moment
I was one of the crazy waving arms in the crowd.

I just know the basic details of this from reading my elementary school diary.
I've been reading my old diaries a lot lately because I am trying to write something.
If i ever finish it and it doesn't suck, I might let someone read it.

Have a great weekend everybody! :-)

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I met up with some friends last night
when walking on my way to meeting up with them,
a woman ran down the street carrying what appeared to be a bunch of beach bags.
I didn't think anything of it until she said,
"It's not what you think! I swear to God!".
To which I was prepared to say,
"I didn't think anything..."
But before I could say that she again said,
"It's not what you think!"
Then she added,
"I didn't steal these bags! I know it looks like I did because I just ran down the street with them and now I'm stuffing them into the trunk of this car, but I didn't!".

I just nodded and kept walking.

Friday, June 22, 2007

That last post didn't really happen it was just a weird dream I had that felt real.
Sorry for the lies!

I feel like whenever I'm running late for something I always end up stuck in line behind someone who is buying every lottery ticket that has ever been created.
It always feels surreal, like I got teleported into the line or something.
The person keeps asking for one more ticket.
Then just when you think they're finally done they say something like,
"Hmmm...are there any more lottery tickets that I can buy?"
Then surprisingly there are, and they decide to hold up the line even longer and buy all of those too.
I hope this isn't some bizarre omen that someday that is what I'll be:
The annoying lottery ticket buyer.
If that is who I become, I just wanted to take a time out right now and say I'm sorry about that,
I hope I didn't make you late for that thing you were on your way to.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

What the f@$%!!!!

Something that appeared to be a Golden Retriever ran past me today.
It was huge.
So huge that when it ran it sounded like a horse was galloping when it was approaching
I thought,
"Why am a hearing the sound of hooves hitting pavement? This is not that kind of neighborhood..."

It was then that the horse-sized Golden Retriever ran past me.

My theory is that someone was walking it, then got eaten by it causing it to grow to it's freakish side. Then somehow it grew horse hooves and thought,
"I'm just going to run past people all day and scare the shit out of them! That's what I'm going to do for the rest of my life! Me and my new horse hooves against the world!".

That's the only explanation I can come up with.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Calm down!

This morning I woke up to the sound of what sounded like a bunch of cats screaming.
It was very loud.
I was scared to look out my window because I thought that the sight that would match that sound would have to be disturbing.
That was not the case though.
When I looked out the window I just saw 2 cute cats standing a few feet apart from each other and looking as though they were chatting...and saying something like,
"Dude! I haven't seen you in forever, where are you off too?".
They just happened to be having this idle chit chat in the form of echoing cat screams.
It went on for a couple of minutes,
then they just randomly turned away from one another and walked their seperate ways.
They must come from loud families or something...

Monday, June 11, 2007

No 9-1-1 calls had to be made on account of the cactus.
I once had a 9-1-1 call made on my behalf when I was living in NY though.
It was scary.
It was due to an incident that happened in a very public place.
It was so melodramtic that after the incident I got recognized a few times when I was out and about in the neighborhood.
You would have thought I had just made a tv or movie or appearance.
People would be like,
"Val? You're Val,right? I saw the incident happen...I was there..."
It made me wish that I would get recognized by someone for my stand-up instead.
Then almost like magic...
I moved to a new neighborhood in NY a few months later
one day when I was waiting for subway, someone came up to me and said,
"Val, right? I saw you doing stand-up..."

It made me feel glad that I had moved to a new neighborhood ;)

Friday, June 08, 2007

Damn it!
I've only owned this for 15 minutes
I've already managed to obtain a cactus injury.
I wonder if anyone has ever called 9-1-1 and said,"Hurry there's been a cactus injury!"...
If they did I bet it happened when they were stranded in a desert
they tried to make the 9-1-1 call on their cell phone but it didn't go through because of bad reception.
So, then they started laughing because they realized they didn't even have a cactus injury
were glad that the cell phone call didn't go through
that would have been embarrassing!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Speaking of creepy...
Yes, that's a fish hanging on a wall and wearing the a top hat...
I have no idea what process was involved in making that fish "wall hangable" but I guess it worked.
I spent a lot of my childhood going fishing in the summer
me and my family spent most of it in New Hampshire
there wasn't much else to do except wander through the woods, or catch salamanders, or scream and start running when a large, and hard to identify bug seemed to be attacking me.
So the most entertaining option was spending hours going fishing but then feeling bad when I caught a fish and immediatly putting it back into the water and setting it free.
I'm sure I was catching the same fish over and over and didn't even realize it.
Lost and found?

Did someone lose this? If so, please come and pick it up. It's starting to creep me out...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Frida Kahlo says:
Hope you're having a great day, Everybody!

Monday, May 21, 2007

I still haven't been able to find my old comedy notebooks but I did find this old diary of mine:

The content matches the cover
proves to be unintentionally funny.
Luckily, there's a padlock on this thing.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I spent all day trying to find my old comedy notebooks and came up with nothing.
Instead, I managed to find my old New Kids on the Block collectors cards...

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

It turns out that the other day when I thought I saw a turkey walking on the sidewalk I wasn't hallucinating. I really did see that.
I know this because I talked to other people and told them how I thought I hallucinated seeing a turkey and they said,
"I thought I saw a turkey too! It's totally legit then!"

Good, I was starting to think something was wrong with me.

Friday, May 04, 2007

I've never understood why some people lie about their age.
I've always found this creepy.
If I were going to bother lying about my age I would lie older and claim to
be in my 90's
act extra spunky and claim that I am in the guiness book of world records for having the most plastic surgery done on a living person.
Then I would demand auditions for roles as a high school student in movies and television
if I didn't get the part I would throw a fit and yell,
"It's because I'm in my 90's isn't it!!!!"

Monday, April 16, 2007

In pre-school I showed signs of having issues with being photographed.
I am the one with the clenched fist who is glaring at the camera.