Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I woke up and saw some news story on tv about a truck load of raw chicken falling onto a highway somewhere.
It made me feel glad that I hadn't randomly been jogging on that highway
that would have been gross to randomly be jogging on a highway and be so focused that you ended up tripping and falling into the pile of chickens.
Then all the cars on the highway would drive by you and judge you.
You'd be, "The crazy chick sprawled out in the pile of chickens".
They'd all assume that you had caused the situation.
Someone might even take a picture of you to show their friends
be like,
You guys look at the crazy chicken lady! Laying with the chickens!
Then everyone would laugh.

After thinking all of this, it made me feel glad that I never jog on highways or freeways and have no intention of doing so in the future.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Ok, my IQ already feels like it's back on track(I read another page of that book).
Have a great weekend!
Was I drunk when I posted that last post?
I bet I was.
I've been reading a lot of books(more like one page of one book)the last few days
I felt like I haven't been reading enough lately and
feared that my IQ might slip down to a 2 year old level.
I think it's totally gone up though, and the reading has paid off.
At this point I'm almost certain that my IQ is equal to that of a 6 year old.
If I read a few more books I bet it will be back up to where it should be and I'll be able to have normal conversations with people that make sense.

I'm going to pitch this as a new literacy campaign to air during next years Super Bowl.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Is coffee bad for you?
I think it is.
I've been drinking it again lately
the other day I got an iced green tea
when I ordered it, a woman standing near me nodded in approval and said,
Wow, you're so good. I'm awful! I drink coffee all the time. Someone should just call an ambulance for me!
Which didn't make any sense to me...
but regardless
I responded to her by saying,
I'll call them for you(if you want)!
Which didn't make any sense to me either.
Then I just walked away
my communication skills aren't very good in the morning.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

I think that if I ever saw a toll booth person arriving at work
actually entering their toll booth at the beginning of the day it would ruin the magic and mystery for me.
I still like to believe that people who work at toll booths get there telepathically or by blinking.
Then when it's time to go home they just clap their hands and disappear.
Don't ruin my reality, toll booth people!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

I think I may have overreacted in that last post.
I bet that person had a very important reason for passing me,
I bet they are a professional race car driver
they don't know how to "turn it off" or something.
That makes perfect sense.
I bet if I were a race car driver I would do the same thing.

I'm going to go for a jog now.
Earlier this morning I was driving at an earlier hour
someone decided I was driving too slow and swerved by and passed me.
We weren't on a highway or freeway,
we were just on a little street.
There is no need to be passing people like that before the sun has barely even risen.
Where the hell are you off to?
To pick up a sac of crack?

I think the only way to respond this person in an equally annoying fashion would have been to pick up my speed and swerve and pass by them in a Smart Car:

Then as I pass them give them the finger
honk at them
not honk with the car horn,
honk with one of those annoying bicycle horns that clowns use in the circus and at childrens parties.
That would have totally shown them(I bet)!