Saturday, December 23, 2006

Happy EVERYTHING, Everybody!!!

If you're traveling: be safe.
If you already traveled: hope it was safe.
If you didn't travel and will not be: be safe with that too.
Cya later(in 2007).

Thursday, December 21, 2006

So for awhile now I have been trying to remember the name of a cartoon I used to love when I was little. It used to be featured on Mighty Mouse re-runs and I loved it.
It was called The Mighty Heroes

Here's a link to old episode I found on YouTube.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

First of all:

Secondly, I thought this was funny.

Also, I noticed my jeans were getting big on me and falling down if I didn't wear a belt. So I decided to weigh myself(which I haven't done since July). It turns out I lost 15 pounds. I think it's because I've been jogging.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Hope you're all having a nice holiday season!
I felt like I should post some kind of holiday-ish photo.
This is all I could come up with:

This women seems to lure men in by reading outloud from books on the street.
The guy to her left seems to be taking the bait.
This is because:
a)He likes people who can read.
b)He's really happy that his green scarf matches her green book cover.
No, that doodle is perfect.
It's emotionally honest, and that's so important when you decide to post stuff like that on the internet.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Maybe I should have put up a doodle that was more flattering than the one in that last post...

Monday, December 11, 2006

Enough with the superficial movie comments!
Here's a self portrait:

Friday, December 08, 2006

Also, I've talked with some of my friends and they said I shouldn't be ashamed about liking the movie, "Departed". They said a lot of critics liked it too and that I probably like it because of the talented acting done by the all-star seasoned cast.
So, the other night I talked about a dating incident on stage(in vague terms), which is a very very rare thing for me to do. I always feel bad about doing that. I've noticed that on the rare occasion when I decide to do this I get a lot of laughs though...

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I am however slightly ashamed to admit that I loved the movie "The Departed",
because I suspect it's not for the right reasons...
I don't think I loved the movie because of the great acting done by the wonderful cast under the brilliant direction of Martin Scorsese.
I fear the real reason I liked the movie was because I found all of the men in movie to be very attractive and enjoyed scenes when they started punching and yelling at one another...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'm not ashamed to admit
that on the bus ride to New York, the movie "Maid in Manhattan"(starring J Lo) was playing
and I paid close attention.
I found myself crying.
I'm not sure if this was due to lack of sleep,
the movie itself,
the fact that the bus I was on was called a "Vermont" bus,
which made me worried that all of us on the bus were being driven to a bizarre abduction scene in Vermont that involved maple syrup.

Friday, December 01, 2006

I think I deleted this...

I need to start holiday shopping.
I have a habit of saving it for the last minute.
The last two years I've stopped doing that though.
I'll probably never be that person who does their shopping the day after Thanksgiving.
In the rare event I do end up doing that,
I'll be sure to be obnoxious about it
show up wearing an oversized santa suit
start yelling at people.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Heads up!
I'll be in NY on Monday.
At night time I'll be one of the people on this show.
Great line-up!

Here's info about that:
Monday 12/4 at 8pm
Catie Lazarus hosts
Fresh Meat @Comix
With guests:
Wali Collins (seen on HBO, Comedy Central & Letterman)
Val Kappa (Premium Blend)
Jon Friedman (The Rejection Show)
Andy Friedman- (Cartoonist for the New Yorker)

353 W14th St.(East of 9th ave)
You can buy tickets online at this link

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I bet the person who wrote that last post has a notebook that looks like this:

Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving.

I spent the last week doing comedy(as usual)
going to all sorts of reunions and parties.

My "10 year high school reunion" was one of these things.
I put it in quotes because it ended up getting cancelled...
Instead, people from my class met up at 3 different locations for drinks.
So in order to catch up with everyone you had to go bar hopping.
It ended up being fine. I only hit 2 of the spots.
I actually liked high school and the people I went there with, so I was happy to see everyone.
I was pretty spazzy in high school, but for some reason everyone was always supportive of my creative efforts. I started out being a shy nerd who played a lot of sports(Soccer,Basketball, Track) even though she wasn't very good at them.
But then I finally found my niche when I wrote for the school newspaper,started hanging out in the art room and joining the drama club my senior year. The drama club was especially exciting because we entered the Massachusetts State High School Drama Festival and ended up winning. I even ended up winning an acting award for physical comedy(believe it or not). We were in the newspapers a lot that year(even the Boston Globe). It was VERY exciting at that time. In fact, after we won the state drama festival a lot of people wanted to join the drama club. Even boys from the football team started showing showing up to audition for plays.
Then at the end of the year I got voted Class Clown.
So this is why I liked high school. I don't remember anything being bad about it or hating anyone. I was lucky to have really supportive teachers and friends.

Blah, blah, blah, enough about that though.

I got to catch up with more friends at shows over the weekend
my Thanksgiving was pretty decent.

I like my friends and family.
I must be boring. ;)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I hope you all have a nice Thanksgiving!
Thanks for checking out stopping by my blog
stopping by shows.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I'm thankful my family doesn't get flamboyant on Thanksgiving and dress up like pilgrims and shoot arrows at one other. I don't have the coordination to spend Thanksgiving like that.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Cartwheels are still not happening...
This week's project:
Develop the ability to do some kind of celebrity impression, and have it be good enough to do at shows.

Also, check in to see if the ability to do a cartwheel has gotten better since childhood.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

No, that tricycle isn't very practical...
It would be SO much smarter to just travel by tractor(just in case it rains).

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I like going jogging because it reminds of why I am a comedian
not a professional jogger.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I'm really glad that someone was smart enough at some point to invent the microphone.
I bet the person who invented the megaphone doesn't feel the same way though.
When the microphone first came out it probably made them very angry, and he or she thought it was a huge conspiracy to ruin megaphone sales.

Monday, November 13, 2006

This morning as I was drinking my coffee, I began to reflect on my childhood.
I had a memory of being in a large gymnasium,
and wearing an awful outfit
waiting in line to play with a toy called, "the boat"
then yelling at everyone and saying,
"You guys what are we doing with our lives!?
There has to be other options!"
I remember an echo
that none of my peers answered my question.

In the middle of my reflection I began to wonder if this was a real memory
if I was just making up a story because I feel the need to post things on my blog everyday...

Friday, November 10, 2006

You can never be too careful!

I don't live on a farm or raise crops,
but I've seen enough episodes of Heckle and Jeckle
to know that I should put up a scarecrow anyway.
I want to make sure the farm and crops I don't have stay safe.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Maybe it belongs to this guy:

He seems like he's looking for something.
I should probably say something...
Nah, forget it!
I'm sure he reads my blog.
He can just email me if that bowling pin thing is his.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Uh Oh...
Did someone lose this plush bowling pin that has a dogs face on top of it?

If so,
I found it!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I was on a bus the other day(because I'm glamorous like that)
there was a sign taped by the driver that said,

"Yell for stops!"

There was something about seeing the sign
the fact that the bus was driving and taking turns disturbingly fast that made me think we were about to drive off a cliff and die...
It's Election Day!

If you're in America...

don't forget to vote today.

Monday, November 06, 2006

I guess I just hate that pot luck parties are called pot luck parties,
it makes me want to not show up.
Why do they call it that?
Pot luck sounds like the name of an event that involves gambling and marijuana.
Just call it what it is!: hanging out and bringing food.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

So, I just realized that that thing I went to awhile ago wasn't called a "crock pot" party.
It's actually called a "pot luck" party.
I think it would be cooler if it were called a "crack pot" party.
It would be interesting to see who would show up to that.

Monday, October 30, 2006

I bet there is a person somewhere who hates daylight savings so much that they never bother to turn their clock back an hour.
Every year they get fired from whatever job they have because they show up an hour late on daylight savings and yell,
"F@$# you and f@$% daylight savings!
I don't turn my clocks back an hour!
I don't even own clocks!"

Friday, October 27, 2006

For real:

During my first year of doing comedy, I used to do a character on stage.
I guess you could call that solo sketch comedy, but that sounds too official.
Anywho, when I did that, I used to wear this animal back pack.
His name was George...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I think we're all adults here!

My blog seems like it was written by an 8 year old lately.
I just wanted to take this moment to apologize for that.
Then I wanted to apologize for apologizing,
because there's nothing wrong with that.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

If elephants were the size of a house cat
ran as fast as a cheetah,
they would be scary...

Sunday, October 15, 2006


whenever i'm in a room full of people i don't know,
my first reaction is to seek out anyone with a noticeable tattoo.

a)because tattoos look cool.

b) their tattoo makes a good converstion piece.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I think I've already said this on my blog before...
I think birds are adorable, if there is one them.
There were always birds around when I was growing up because my dad used to raise parakeets.
So I'm used to birds,
except wild ones I guess.

When there appears to be hundreds of birds hanging out together
on one tree outside your window,
it's kind of scary.
No matter how happy their simulataneous chirping is,
it seems evil, and like they are chirping amongst themselves about flying full speed into your window
attacking you because they noticed you didn't put a bird feeder outside for them.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I love street performers.
No matter what they do they seem to draw a crowd
everyone always seems excited to see them,
including me.

Banging on a pot with a wooden spoon: crowd pleaser.
Walking on glass with bare feet: crowd pleaser.

It seems like no matter what you do you can't go wrong.
I think the only art that wouldn't go over on the street performing circuit is stand-up.
That would just be absurd.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I used to own huge flourescent pink earmuffs when I was a kid.
They were so huge that everytime I wore them people would laugh and say,
"Damn, those are what I call earmuffs!."

Then I would pretend I couldn't hear them.

I think the only way the earmuffs could have more obnoxious is if they played music
I blared it
was always breakdancing when I wore them.

Why am I telling you this?
I'm considering buying a new obnoxious pair and wearing them whenever I ride on public transportation.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Yelling when angry is definitely better than whispering when angry.
If you're mad don't start whispering.
That's just annoying.
Just so you know!

Monday, September 11, 2006

When I'm not sure what to say,
I just show people pictures of stuffed animals that I've won at carnivals...

Friday, September 08, 2006


When I get angry with people I don't yell at them.
I just write negative comments about them on a piece of paper,
then fold the paper into a paper airplane and throw it at their head.
By the time they unfold it and read the secret message, I have already left the room.
This means:
They won't be able to write negative comments about me on a piece of paper, fold it into a paper airplane and throw it at my head.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Do people need to be trained and certified before they are allowed to buy a chainsaw?
I hope those people are licensed...
I feel the same way about lawn mowers.

Have a great Labor Day weekend everybody!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Someone in my neighborhood was cutting down a tree with a chainsaw today.
That will never be a goal of mine.
The closest I've ever come to cutting down a tree with a chainsaw was this one time when I tryed to cut a piece of bread off of a a stale loaf of bread with a huge knife.
It didn't work out...
It made me realize that the lumber industry wasn't a career that I was made for.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Lawn ornament brainstorming was most likely a group effort, that involved a lot of high fives.

Have a great weekend everybody!


Thank you for checking out my blog :)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The person who thought of lawn ornments, was probably a drunk.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

When "Thundercats" got canceled, I was outraged about the fact that Snarf didn't get his own tv show.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I bet if more people played "Pig Pong",
there would be less violence in the world...

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The other night before I left NY, I grabbed some food with my friend.

While we were eating a little girl was running around tables barefoot
only wearing a diaper.
She then started screaming when she came to a wall and looked as though she were trying to scale it.
Now I don't know how old this little girl was but she looked as though she had passed the "wearing diapers and running around naked and screaming" stage of life.

I made a mental note to myself, and decided that in the rare event I have a child,
I'm always going to make sure it wears clothes
because if I had a child and it suddenly started running around a restaurant naked and screaming,
I don't think I would know how to handle that situation...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

For some reason whenever I take the bus between NY and Boston
I always sit near someone who offers me things.
This ride I got offered a lot of chips by a friendly guy sitting next to me.
"No thanks, I think I'm all set."
I told him after he held his neverending bag of chips in my face,
again and again.

I think the next time I ride the bus, I'll carry a huge jug of apple juice,
and walk up and down the aisle offering everyone a sip.

I wonder if anyone would go for it...

Monday, July 31, 2006

A girl walked by me today
and she was carrying a huge pie chart that was framed.
For some reason my reaction to this was to shout(in my head),
"Nerd Alert!"
at her.

Then I thought,
why am I making fun of this girl(in my head)?
I used to be the girl who carried pie charts and graphs in junior high.
Now I think I'm better than that?

Then I started to think that maybe it was from going to that baseball game.
Even though that was like 2 weeks ago,
I think it has influenced me to shout things at people.
Today I just loudly thought the words, "Nerd Alert!"
But maybe by the end of the summer it will tranform itself into full throttle booing.
I'll just start booing at anyone and everyone I cross paths with.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I went to a baseball game at Yankee Stadium the other day(Monday), with some friends.
It was the Yankees vs. the Mariners.

I've only been to one other professional baseball game in my life
and it was in college at Fenway Park in Boston.
The Red Sox were playing against the Yankees, and it was right when Roger Clemens(the only basecall player I was familiar with at that time) had left the Red Sox to go to the Yankees.
Boston fans starting booing at him when he came out on the field.
At that time my impression of going to a baseball game was that I thought watching the game itself was really boring.
Watching the audience watching the game: very entertaining.

This time around though watching an actual live game didn't seem boring.
I think it's because I've come to appreciate baseball since I was in college.
I still find the audience far more entertaining than the game though.
I was also unfamiliar with the players again...
The only player I really knew that much about this time was Johnny Damon,
which is kind of weird since he left the Red Sox for the Yankees too.

Monday, July 17, 2006

It's pretty odd that people say it's not good to drink tap water,
when there once was a time when people used to just cup their hands and drink from a river or stream...

Why am I talking about this?
I have no idea...

Anway, I've been back in NY for a couple of weeks and will be back here for the rest the month(like 2 more weeks).
I've been out and about and doing shows, which have been so much fun.
My goal was initially to write a new hour, but then as I was doing shows I decided to do new and old stuff.

There are SO many great shows that go on in NY.
Audiences have so many choices, that they probably get a headache trying to decide where to go.
Or maybe not...

Friday, July 14, 2006

I drank a glass of tap water today.
I think that's supposed to be bad...
A lot of people always say that you should drink bottled water.
Maybe I should have thought twice before I grabbed that glass and turned on the faucet with such abandon.

I'll let you know if I grow a third eye.
So far so good.

Have a nice weekend everybody!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Now that I think about it, I don't think I would have even noticed that soccer ball(that almost hit me)
if I hadn't been looking through my binoculars.

Friday, July 07, 2006

I think I overreacted when I almost got hit by a soccer ball the other night.
I ended up screaming and spilling my drink everywhere,
then cowering and covering my head.
Then I realized the ball had no chance of almost hitting me since it was VERY far away.
In fact it was so far away people probably didn't know that that's what I was reacting to.
They probably thought I was just scared of the fireworks(or crazy).
I bet this is a sign that I should consider playing dodge ball at a professional level.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Hope you all had a nice 4th of July!

I saw fireworks then almost got hit by a soccer ball...

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Either that or when the first hitch hiker stuck their thumb up at a car,
the person driving the car gave them a thumbs down,
then kept on driving.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I bet the first time someone tryed hitch hiking it wasn't successful.
They probably held up their thumb at a car,
then the person driving the car just gave them a thumbs up back and kept on driving.

Friday, June 02, 2006

I don't even know how hitchhiking started.
Someone was probably like,
"Oh man,I need a ride...
How am, I going to make this happen?
I have an idea!
I'll wave my thumb at oncoming traffic!"

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Lock your doors.

Just in case you were wondering,
hitchhiking still happens.
I saw it over the weekend.
A woman was trying to hitch a ride on a highway.
It looked weird because she was standing walking distance from a huge shopping plaza.
It made me think:
Why doesn't she just walk into a store and ask if she can use a phone?
This then made me think more about her and decide that she was a serial killer.
After many years of hitchhiking her thumb had hardened and she now used it as a weapon on her victums.
I then thought more about this.
Who the hell would actually stop and give her a ride?
Probably another serial killer, whose bites peoples thumbs off.
The two of them would be made for each other.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Hope you're all having a great Memorial Day weekend!

While I have your attention I just wanted to tell you that the disposable dvd camera has been invented.
This happened awhile ago.
I didn't even know that that happened though.
It has though.
I thought you should know that(if you didn't already).
Carry on.

Friday, May 12, 2006

25 cents

25 cents you can get a gum ball
a ride on a mechanical horse in front of a department store.
Today I had the opportunity to have both of these things.
Instead, I kept on walking and went with neither.
I'm considering going back with a lot of quarters
getting a lot of gum balls and chewing them all at once.
Then running to the mechanical horse and putting quarter after quarter into it so I spend a whole day riding on it
being the envy of everyone.

I better think it over though.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


I saw someone dressed up like a chicken in front of a car dealership.
They were waving their arms at traffic and jumping up and down.
I don't know if they were affiliated with the car dealership
if they were just someone who craves attention...
It was hard to tell.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Egg Smashing

I haven't posted anything in awhile...

I celebrated Easter(the Greek one) yesterday with my family.

One thing that happens during this is the smashing of Easter eggs to determine who will have good luck.

Everyone grabs an easter egg. Then you tap eggs with the person sitting next to you. The person whose egg doesn't crack is the lucky one. You keep going around the table tapping eggs until only one person is left with an uncracked egg.

This year I was the winner.

I wonder what would have happened if I had jumped out of my chair and started screaming, then spiked the egg to the floor as though I had just scored a touched down.

Would my egg cracking from that incident strip me of my lucky title?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

No Smoking

I think it's odd that on airplanes they always announce that
"There is NO smoking allowed on THIS flight".

Isn't that common sense?
Are there any flights where smoking is allowed?

My guess was that there was once a flight where someone showed up and started chain smoking.
A flight attendant told that person to stop because everyone was having a hard time breathing and the clouds of smoke were really annoying.
The person then refused to put out the cigarettes because he doesn't like to be told what to do.
But then after shouting at everyone for awhile he lost his voice.
But then just before he lost his voice he was able to barely utter the words:
"Fine I'll stop"
Then he did stop, but then he ate the rest of his cigarettes just to spite the people who told him to stop.
This caused him to vomit on everyone.

After that happened they probably decided it would be best to just make the
"no smoking on THIS flight announcement".

Friday, March 24, 2006

I should stop typing about viking times.
That was a pretty long time ago
people always say that you shouldn't dwell on the past.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Women probably weren't allowed on the viking boat and most likely didn't have access to any of those non-floating helmets.
If I had been around back then I would have most likely spent my days/nights being bored out of my mind.
This would cause me to invent the hovercraft,
but then when I drove it around town everyone would have been freaked out because inventing a hovercraft isn't very lady-like,
so someone would have probably killed me,
and declared my behavior too flamboyant for the time.

Guess you can't always win.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Important thought:
I'm so glad I didn't live during the years when living like a viking was all the rage.
I would have jumped off the viking boat and drowned,
because those viking helmets are heavy and don't seem like they would float in water.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Today is Presidents Day, which means a lot of days off for people.
Every year I feel like I should do something to celebrate this holiday.
Like maybe read a book about presidents,
then sigh and say,
"Hmm, now I truly understand why they called him Honest Abe..."

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentines Day!

Whether you love it or hate it,
I hope you all have a great V-Day!
I went to Iowa on Friday to do a show at Coe College.
Whenever I do a show at college I get worried about whether or not people will actually show up to see me. Luckily there is usually a good turnout.
Thanks again to everyone who came out!
Thanks to Coe for having me over.

On my way home I had a layover in my flight in Chicago right when the big snow storm over the weekend was starting up.
So I saw it before it hit the east coast.
When I got home I kind of felt like a psychic,
"The storm is on it's way...I just saw it in Chicago."

Friday, January 20, 2006


I bet there are people who are very devoted to throwing boomerangs.
I want to meet them and talk to them about that.
They probably make fun of people who use frisbees.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Are frisbees even sold in stores?

I find it hard to believe they are.
I think some guy just makes them in his basement then when they're done he yells,
"Quick lets hand these out to people. We could all use a frisbee!"

I'm sure frisbees are sold in stores
I'm sure plenty of people buy them.

I just don't appreciate them because they are always being handed to me.
People are always offering me frisbees for free.
Maybe if I spent my hard earned money on one I would love them
I would even call friends to go frisbee tossing with them.

This post is so deep.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


I've never been a fan of frisbees.
Not once have I ever called someone up and said,

"Guess who just got a brand new frisbee!? Wanna go to the park and have some good 'ol fashioned frisbee tossing fun!"

But people do this.
They go to the park in a group and toss a frisbee to one another.
I've seen them.

I have never ogananized a frisbee get together.
I never plan on it either.
Yet ever since childhood people have always given me frisbees.
I think that's a weird thing to give someone.
"Here, have a frisbee. Go play fetch. You look like you like that."
People always give me frisbees
I am always told that, "I won."
"Guess what you've won Val!?"
"A frisbee! You just won a frisbee!".

I don't want anymore frisbees.
Please stop.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Emailing List

I am trying to fix my emailing list and actually start using it.
If you would like to be on it and recieve updates on shows and other comedy stuff
then email me:

Put "emailing list" in the subject heading.


Wednesday, January 04, 2006

So I know the subject of the weather is very common in small talk.
But the other day someone asked me,
"So when's the storm coming?"
And they asked it as though they really thought I would know the answer.
Like maybe I was the authority on weather.
For some reason this made me feel proud.
It made me think, awesome it's about time someone asked for my take on the weather.
So I replied to them(in a very confident tone) and said,
"I have no idea."

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy 2006!

2005 was a great year. I got to do so many cool things.
I'll just mention 2 of them, because I don't feel like writing a novel.

1. I got to tour colleges, which was so much fun.
A few years ago I used to do this thing on stage where I would announce to the audience that my next comedy career goal was to be a road comic. I would then play a game with them called "Getting Ready for the Road". I was just goofing around about the the whole thing. But then I actually started doing shows where I had to travel to get to them. So my "next comedy career goal" became a reality.

2. My stand-up appeared on tv.
I've always loved watching tv. But being on tv is different. Cameras creep me out. I've always preferred doing any kind of live show(without the presence of a camera). But this year I did standup in front of a camera and it made it's way to tv, and I actually didn't mind. It was both fun and exciting. I'm still not the biggest fan of being in front of a camera, but I KNOW I'll get over it.
How do I know?
Well before I started doing standup, public speaking creeped me out, and I always hated it. I was always a huge fan of comedy, but whenever I saw a comedian on tv doing standup I would say,
"I don't know how they do it. I could never imagine getting up and talking in front of a room full of strangers AND making them laugh. That is something you will NEVER see me do.

But now here I am...

Thanks again for all of your support.