This should be an enough water to last me...AN HOUR!!!!!

Not too shabby
For awhile now I've been getting nice emails from a bunch of folks saying they had just seen my stand-up but no one said where...
So I finally asked and one source was Last.fm,
Then a couple of people were kind enough to send me this link.
It turns out I was ranked 11th, for the last six months.
Not bad considering I have only been on Comedy Central once
and
that was also the only time my stand-up has ever appeared on tv.
A majority of my exposure has only come from live shows at clubs, colleges, and theatre spaces
and
my blog.

Thank YOU for making that happen!

Really?

Someone decided that I'm historical.
Click on this link
and
scroll down to "Saugus-History-People".

Thanks anonymous!

Well, it's about time!!!

Nature is such a tease.
Why can't it just snow out so some of it stays on the ground?
Huh, nature?!
Instead there have just been flurries that are so sparse, that you have to ask someone if they see them too, to confirm that those are flurries and that you're not just seeing a random white thing fall from the sky that isn't even falling from the sky.
I want real snow!
I don't want to confirm flurries anymore.
Just snow!
Get on it!

Wipe out!
I just fell over.
I thought I was immune to the ice because I was wearing sneakers.
I was wrong.
It seemed tragic, because the whole neighborhood was quiet
and
no one was outside.
I waited to hear a window open and hear someone yell,
"Nice one!".
Instead it was just quiet
and
it made me want to just stay down and take a nap.
But, icy pavement isn't very cozy.
So, I decided to get back up.

Great!
It sucks when you're driving and someone driving behind you beeps at you
and
you think it's for a stupid reason so you give them the finger, then beep your horn too, then give them the finger again,
then
you drive on and get to where you were going to, and it turns out that's where they were going,
then you're waiting in line in front of them
and
the whole time you're think it would be funny if you turned around, looked at them and yelled,
"Wedgie Patrol!!!"
then gave them a wedge then ran away,
and
got into your car then beeped your horn at them and gave them the finger again, then sped off.


note: I think the grammar is a bit off in this post...

Caricatures
I bet courtroom sketch artists have days when they are at work and they decide that the people they have to draw are annoying
and
as a result the pictures they draw of them reflect that.
They probably just draw mustaches on everyone and make it look like things are growing out of their head.
Or they just draw cartoon captions for the person on trial that say,
"I'm obviously guilty and don't get laid".

I think if it was normal(in adult life) for people to challenge one another to a running race, people would be a lot more healthy.
Everyone would always be training and eating healthy things
just in case today was the day a stranger would walk up to you and point at you and yell,
"Right now in the hallway!"
"Are you challenging me to a running race?!"
"Yes!"

Alert
I thought green tea was one of the teas that didn't have caffeine in it.
Obviously, I was wrong.
I drank a huge cup of iced green tea today(after already drinking coffee earlier in the morning)
and
felt so awake and alert that I began to believe that it was physically impossible to blink, wink, or close my eyes.
I become convinced that if anyone had placed a very difficult code in front of me that needed to be broken in order to achieve world peace,
I would have been able to crack it immediately.
I also believed that if anyone had challenged me to a running race I would have accepted the challenge and kicked their ass.
So yes, green tea is definitely one of the ones that has caffeine.
Just so you know.

Sketchy

There's about showing up late, and being soaked from the rain(even though you used an umbrella), and having a really difficult time closing your umbrella when you enter the room,
that is very uncomfortable.
Especially if you look around the room and notice that no one else seems to be soaked
or
even have an umbrella near them.
Then you look out the window and see that it stopped raining.
So now there is no evidence for why you are wet.
It just seems like you are sketchy.

Yay!
I got sent home from jury duty today.
I was sitting in the jury box(which I have never done before, and I must say was pretty cool)
for about 2 seconds.
Then a bit of whispering was done.
Then,
"Valerie Kappa(in serious matters my name is Valerie) you have been challenged and are free to go home!", was said.
To me that was the equivelant of being told to, "Come on down!",
on the 'Price is Right'.
I refrained from screaming, jumping up and down and waving my arms like a winning game show contestant.

Blah
I have to call to find out if I have jury duty later.
I've been really lucky in the past and haven't had to show up.
The one time I did show up they sent me home.
I'm not sure if the "Hooked on Fonics!" t-shirt
I wore that day had anything to do with it.

Wrong one...
Last night I went to the wrong car and kept trying to put my key in the door but it wouldn't work but I kept trying because...
I'm a determined individual!
The real car owner walked over and said,
"I think your key isn't working because that's not your car. That's my car...".
That was when I realized why my key wasn't working.
The only thing I could think to say to the person who enlightened me about this was,
"I'm not drunk."

Old school!
I spent the first half of today unintentionally providing entertainment to folks who work at local stores.
How did I do this?
By showing up, then asking,
"Hey do you guys know where the cassette players are?".

The common response to this question was a confused look followed by:
"You mean like an old school boom box?".

My reply:
"Not a full throttle boom box. Just a small crappy portable cassette player."

This was then followed by my questionee, calling for some back up:
"Hey! Anyone know if we sell half-assed-old school boom boxes?".

This was followed by more confusion amongst the staff as they talked amongst themselves to explain and confirm to each other what a half-assed-old school boom box was.

This was then followed by one person in the group asking:
"Why do you need a half-assed-old school boom box?"

My reply:
"Long story."

In conclusion,
the half-assed-old school boom box seemed to be unavailable for purchase.

Wow, that was quick...
I couldn't think of any New Years resolutions,
so I just made a goal of trying to reply to emails way too quickly,
so that I would get a reply from my way too quick reply that said,
"Wow, that was quick.".
I've only replied to one email quickly, and didn't get a
"Wow, that was quick", though.
Guess I wasn't quick enough!
Then I had stuff to do and found that I didn't have time to sit at my computer too long. So I wasn't able to get back to anyone else way too quick.

So much for that.

Tollbooth!

Happy 2007!
Thanks stopping my blog and shows I was on this past year,
or
any year that you happened to do that.
I appreciate the support :)

Last night I went to my friend's New Year's party.
Favorite moment:
A dance move called the "Tollbooth" was created.
What is the tollbooth?
It's move that incorpates vigorous dancing, until someone suddenly yells,
"Tollbooth!!!!",
then throws a handfull of change at their dancing partner.