I got a parking ticket the other day
because
I was allegedly parked too far away from the curb.
Whatevs.
I'm glad that I'm not the person who does the ticket giving.
Being a comedian is a more suitable job for me
because
if I were a ticket giver I would just let all the parking violations slide by
and
instead leave a post-it note on people's windshields that said:
Dude, you need to get your sh@$ together. Seriously.
Also,
although this drink looks like contaminated swamp water,
it is very good
and
slightly addictive:
Val Kappa is a stand-up comic and artist who has appeared on Comedy Central and was the voice of Clarice on the cult cartoon "Home Movies". These are random things that she typed. All material Copyright 2004-2017 Val Kappa. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Where does one draw the line with denim?
I'm no fashion whiz,
but last night I had the feeling I was wearing too much denim
and
feared that I might get heckled by more fashion saavy people who walked by me as I strolled down the street.
I met up with a couple of my friends for dinner on Newbury St.
and
as I walked to meet up with them I prepared myself for snide comments to be hurled my way like:
I think you need to turn down the denim!
I was dissappointed when this didn't happen.
So I walked up to someone and asked them for the time,
hoping they would respond with sometihng snarky like:
Why, are you late for a bedazzler appointment?!
No such luck.
I'm no fashion whiz,
but last night I had the feeling I was wearing too much denim
and
feared that I might get heckled by more fashion saavy people who walked by me as I strolled down the street.
I met up with a couple of my friends for dinner on Newbury St.
and
as I walked to meet up with them I prepared myself for snide comments to be hurled my way like:
I think you need to turn down the denim!
I was dissappointed when this didn't happen.
So I walked up to someone and asked them for the time,
hoping they would respond with sometihng snarky like:
Why, are you late for a bedazzler appointment?!
No such luck.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
This year I made the "brave" decision to file my taxes myself.
I stand by this decision but am scared that I somehow f@#$ed it up
like the last time I made the "brave" decision to file my taxes myself.
Last time I made a huge mistake.
The numbers on one of my forms had faded numbers that happened to be important.
Rather than make a phone call and ask what the faded numbers were I thought it would be wiser to just wing it and make a guess at what they were:
I'll go with 22222222! That seems like a smart guess!
Apparently it wasn't.
None of the faded numbers were a 2...
This year there were no faded numbers
or
wild guesses so I think I actually filed my taxes properly
and
ended up not screwing myself over.
How nice.
I stand by this decision but am scared that I somehow f@#$ed it up
like the last time I made the "brave" decision to file my taxes myself.
Last time I made a huge mistake.
The numbers on one of my forms had faded numbers that happened to be important.
Rather than make a phone call and ask what the faded numbers were I thought it would be wiser to just wing it and make a guess at what they were:
I'll go with 22222222! That seems like a smart guess!
Apparently it wasn't.
None of the faded numbers were a 2...
This year there were no faded numbers
or
wild guesses so I think I actually filed my taxes properly
and
ended up not screwing myself over.
How nice.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
It's a spring time miracle!
Today the weather was actually nice enough to go jogging outside intead of on the treadmill
and
the track at my old stomping grounds seems to have gotten an amazing upgrade:
Now I feel more motivated to train for that marathon that exists in my head.
I am determined to defeat my imaginary competitors!
Today the weather was actually nice enough to go jogging outside intead of on the treadmill
and
the track at my old stomping grounds seems to have gotten an amazing upgrade:
Now I feel more motivated to train for that marathon that exists in my head.
I am determined to defeat my imaginary competitors!
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Time to post on the blog!
Thanks to all who came out to the shows last weekend.
I was able to make a good tape
but
am not sure what I'll be doing with that.
I guess I should put up a quick snippet on youtube
so I can become the last comedian to put a clip of her stand-up on there.
I hear it's all the rage!
Thanks to all who came out to the shows last weekend.
I was able to make a good tape
but
am not sure what I'll be doing with that.
I guess I should put up a quick snippet on youtube
so I can become the last comedian to put a clip of her stand-up on there.
I hear it's all the rage!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
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