Strange red people!
When I saw these red things in plastic bubbles from far away I totally thought they were a boston based dance troupe who were demonstrating the newest way to work your core muscles:
Val Kappa is a stand-up comic and artist who has appeared on Comedy Central and was the voice of Clarice on the cult cartoon "Home Movies". These are random things that she typed. All material Copyright 2004-2017 Val Kappa. All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I like watching professional athletes play sports every now and then
because
when a person or a team wins we can all see why they won.
No one can argue about it and say, "I just don't see why they won, they're not that good..."
because
we all saw that person or team win when they scored the most points.
It's not a matter of opinion. It's a fact.
Sometimes I feel bad for athletes when their game is on tv
because
if they make a mistake like running full speed into a wall or tripping over there own feet
it gets played over and over and over again.
Then after it's played over and over again they seem to play it one more time in slow motion(just as a reminder).
If I was that person who ran into the wall or tripped over my own feet I would totally lie and claim that I did it on purpose
then just say somthing like,
"I'll do anything for a laugh!"
Then I would give everyone a squiggle pen.
because
when a person or a team wins we can all see why they won.
No one can argue about it and say, "I just don't see why they won, they're not that good..."
because
we all saw that person or team win when they scored the most points.
It's not a matter of opinion. It's a fact.
Sometimes I feel bad for athletes when their game is on tv
because
if they make a mistake like running full speed into a wall or tripping over there own feet
it gets played over and over and over again.
Then after it's played over and over again they seem to play it one more time in slow motion(just as a reminder).
If I was that person who ran into the wall or tripped over my own feet I would totally lie and claim that I did it on purpose
then just say somthing like,
"I'll do anything for a laugh!"
Then I would give everyone a squiggle pen.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Don't even tempt me!
The other day I got a package in the mail from a pen company.
For some reason I get a package from them once a year that contains a pen.
This year's pen was called, "The Squiggle Pen".
It looked like this:
It was wrapped in oversized bubble wrap and came with instructions on how I could order 900 more of them that had my name written on them or some kind of special message like, "Follow your heart!"
I found myself being a little bit too excited about this.
I said, "The Squiggle Pen and bubble wrap!"(out loud and with a high volume).
It made me feel like I was six years old and had just found one of those free prizes in the cereal box.
It's like the pen company knows me
and
knows exactly how to get inside my head and trick me into ordering 900 squiggle pens
and
I'm so tempted to do it.
There's something comforting about the thought of just knowing that I randomly have 900 squiggle pens stashed away in a secret place
and
at any given moment I can walk up to a stranger and say,
Here have a Squiggle Pen...
Then just walk away without saying anything else.
The other day I got a package in the mail from a pen company.
For some reason I get a package from them once a year that contains a pen.
This year's pen was called, "The Squiggle Pen".
It looked like this:
It was wrapped in oversized bubble wrap and came with instructions on how I could order 900 more of them that had my name written on them or some kind of special message like, "Follow your heart!"
I found myself being a little bit too excited about this.
I said, "The Squiggle Pen and bubble wrap!"(out loud and with a high volume).
It made me feel like I was six years old and had just found one of those free prizes in the cereal box.
It's like the pen company knows me
and
knows exactly how to get inside my head and trick me into ordering 900 squiggle pens
and
I'm so tempted to do it.
There's something comforting about the thought of just knowing that I randomly have 900 squiggle pens stashed away in a secret place
and
at any given moment I can walk up to a stranger and say,
Here have a Squiggle Pen...
Then just walk away without saying anything else.
Monday, October 15, 2007
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