My Television debut...
happened alot sooner than I thought(sort of).
It happened in fourth grade when Chronicle(a popular New Enland news show) came to our elementary school.
I don't know what they were there to cover, but we watched the camera crew tape it outside from our classroom window
and
started waving wildly to try to grab their attention.
It worked.
Footage of our classroom full of waving kids appeared on the show for a brief moment
and
I was one of the crazy waving arms in the crowd.

I just know the basic details of this from reading my elementary school diary.
I've been reading my old diaries a lot lately because I am trying to write something.
If i ever finish it and it doesn't suck, I might let someone read it.

Have a great weekend everybody! :-)

I met up with some friends last night
and
when walking on my way to meeting up with them,
a woman ran down the street carrying what appeared to be a bunch of beach bags.
I didn't think anything of it until she said,
"It's not what you think! I swear to God!".
To which I was prepared to say,
"I didn't think anything..."
But before I could say that she again said,
"It's not what you think!"
Then she added,
"I didn't steal these bags! I know it looks like I did because I just ran down the street with them and now I'm stuffing them into the trunk of this car, but I didn't!".

I just nodded and kept walking.

That last post didn't really happen it was just a weird dream I had that felt real.
Sorry for the lies!

I feel like whenever I'm running late for something I always end up stuck in line behind someone who is buying every lottery ticket that has ever been created.
It always feels surreal, like I got teleported into the line or something.
The person keeps asking for one more ticket.
Then just when you think they're finally done they say something like,
"Hmmm...are there any more lottery tickets that I can buy?"
Then surprisingly there are, and they decide to hold up the line even longer and buy all of those too.
I hope this isn't some bizarre omen that someday that is what I'll be:
The annoying lottery ticket buyer.
If that is who I become, I just wanted to take a time out right now and say I'm sorry about that,
I hope I didn't make you late for that thing you were on your way to.

What the f@$%!!!!

Something that appeared to be a Golden Retriever ran past me today.
It was huge.
So huge that when it ran it sounded like a horse was galloping when it was approaching
and
I thought,
"Why am a hearing the sound of hooves hitting pavement? This is not that kind of neighborhood..."

It was then that the horse-sized Golden Retriever ran past me.

My theory is that someone was walking it, then got eaten by it causing it to grow to it's freakish side. Then somehow it grew horse hooves and thought,
"I'm just going to run past people all day and scare the shit out of them! That's what I'm going to do for the rest of my life! Me and my new horse hooves against the world!".

That's the only explanation I can come up with.

Calm down!

This morning I woke up to the sound of what sounded like a bunch of cats screaming.
It was very loud.
I was scared to look out my window because I thought that the sight that would match that sound would have to be disturbing.
That was not the case though.
When I looked out the window I just saw 2 cute cats standing a few feet apart from each other and looking as though they were chatting...and saying something like,
"Dude! I haven't seen you in forever, where are you off too?".
They just happened to be having this idle chit chat in the form of echoing cat screams.
It went on for a couple of minutes,
then they just randomly turned away from one another and walked their seperate ways.
They must come from loud families or something...

No 9-1-1 calls had to be made on account of the cactus.
Phew.
I once had a 9-1-1 call made on my behalf when I was living in NY though.
It was scary.
It was due to an incident that happened in a very public place.
It was so melodramtic that after the incident I got recognized a few times when I was out and about in the neighborhood.
You would have thought I had just made a tv or movie or appearance.
People would be like,
"Val? You're Val,right? I saw the incident happen...I was there..."
It made me wish that I would get recognized by someone for my stand-up instead.
Then almost like magic...
I moved to a new neighborhood in NY a few months later
and
one day when I was waiting for subway, someone came up to me and said,
"Val, right? I saw you doing stand-up..."

It made me feel glad that I had moved to a new neighborhood ;)

Damn it!
I've only owned this for 15 minutes
and
I've already managed to obtain a cactus injury.
I wonder if anyone has ever called 9-1-1 and said,"Hurry there's been a cactus injury!"...
If they did I bet it happened when they were stranded in a desert
and
they tried to make the 9-1-1 call on their cell phone but it didn't go through because of bad reception.
So, then they started laughing because they realized they didn't even have a cactus injury
and
were glad that the cell phone call didn't go through
because
that would have been embarrassing!

Speaking of creepy...
Yes, that's a fish hanging on a wall and wearing the a top hat...
I have no idea what process was involved in making that fish "wall hangable" but I guess it worked.
I spent a lot of my childhood going fishing in the summer
because
me and my family spent most of it in New Hampshire
and
there wasn't much else to do except wander through the woods, or catch salamanders, or scream and start running when a large, and hard to identify bug seemed to be attacking me.
So the most entertaining option was spending hours going fishing but then feeling bad when I caught a fish and immediatly putting it back into the water and setting it free.
I'm sure I was catching the same fish over and over and didn't even realize it.

Lost and found?

Did someone lose this? If so, please come and pick it up. It's starting to creep me out...