These kids and their helicopters these days!!!
When I was a kid the 25cent/50cent rides were way cooler at the front of Walmart/Kmart-esgue department stores.
It used to just be an orange horse that looked like it was leaping through the air.
It was a very kick ass horse
and
it was a good time and a half!
But I guess things have evolved since then now there is this helicopter:

Which I must say is cool.

And a random red jeep:

Which is lame!
After riding in the car with your parent(s) why would you want to spend more time pretending to ride in another one
but
only in this round pay 50cents?
It all makes me wonder if when I was a kid
and
riding the leaping orange horse
were there people who saw me riding it and thought:
I can't believe they got rid of the 25cent covered wagon ride!
These kids don't know what they're missing!

Keene!
I performed in Keene, NH tonight.

Here's Dan Sally:

He was nice enough to come along with me and perform too. So luckily I didn't have to drive up alone.

Here are some of the people who came out to the show:

Ew, gross...
I spotted this when I was leaving a show tonight
by the sound system:

The combo of berries+cigars sounds like one of the grossest combos I have ever heard of in the history of combos.
I think it will haunt me in my sleep.
I don't know who's cigars these are
but
I totally picture the person to be wearing a flourescent pink zoot suit.

NOTE: The only reason why I know what a zoot suit is is because I once saw it in an epiode of "Tom and Jerry".

Good night.
I'm going to bed now.

Actually I don't think that thing in the last post is even a handbag...
It's clearly a lunch box for children.
I better save it just in case I have kids.
It would make the perfect kindergarten lunch box for my son or daughter(whose name would be Wedgie).

I don't know what I was thinking when I bought this or even remember when that purchase happened
but
this is mine.
It's mainly filled with old library cards, and other un-"bitchy" items.
So I guess it wasn't an honest buy...

I've been using the words "razzle dazzle" a lot lately(for some reason).
Then today I saw this adorable dog:

and asked, "What's your dog's name?"
and
her owner said,
"Her name is...Razzle Dazzle."

Wedgie Patrol!

This sign made me laugh because it made me picture a bar full of drunk people
constantly yelling,
"Wedgie Patrol!" at one another and giving each other wedgies,
then exchanging high fives.

The first time I ever made a prank phone call was at a friend's birthday party in elementary school.
We were playing the game,"Girltalk":

I got a dare to call someone and say,
"I want to order a pizza", then hang up the phone.

I haven't stopped laughing since!
(Don't worry I'm joking about the "I haven't stopped laughing since" part).

I have caught a bit of the US Open(the tennis tournament) on tv
and
have been loving it.
It makes me wish I was in NY right now so I could be there checking out some matches in person.
It makes me want to go out and play tennis too.

I love when tennis players get fierce when they play
and
slam their racket down if they get pissed about something.

I wonder if tennis players are taught faces to make at their opponents to inimidate them.
If so I would love to have a part time job as
An intimidating -face-making-trainer- to the tennis pros.

PS. I think a majority of my blog is VERY grammatically incorrect.
Don't judge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I guess when you meet people(especially in a job interview type setting),
it's always suggested that you smile a give a firm hand shake.
It's supposed to send a message that you're an optimistic soul
and
believe yourself.
I hate when people take it too far though and practically crush your hand in a hand shake
and
make it feel like if you don't escape their clutches NOW they may very well rip your arm off.
There's no need for that.
Calm the f@#$! down.
Really.
Because when you shake someone's hand like that you're basically saying,
"Hi I'm no stranger to cocaine
and
I also wake up at 4am and make it a point to strengthen my kung fu grip by doing exercises with these things:

The Secret Sauce
I was walking to my car pretty late the other night
and
it was really quiet in the neighborhood because all of the bars and restaurants had closed.
I walked by one restaurant that was closed but you could tell that people were still inside cleaning up and stuff.
The back door of the restaurant quickly opened to reveal a guy holding a large plastic bucket from which he poured a mysterious liquid out of.
It was probably just grease from the fryer or something
but
because it was done so secretly, so late, and from the back door it looked like a bizarre cover-up
and
like maybe he was dumping a toxic liquid.
It made me feel like I should take out my camera and take a picture of him dumping the "seceret sauce"
and
yell something like,
"I'm telling the papers!!!"
Then run to my car and speed off so the wheels of the car make a screeching noise.
I decided to just be normal and not do that though.

Have a great Labor Day Weekend everybody!
and
Thanks for reading this!