I took this picture with my cell phone. I'll use a real camera next time... 

Sorry I haven't posted anything.
I got distracted by the palm trees...
I'll be back on Tuesday.

I got caught in hour and a half of traffic on Saturday night.
An hour and a half!
It totally blew.
I've never been caught in traffic like that before.
I always thought the freeway was where the traffic happened in LA.
Apparently not.
This traffic jam was so not on the freeway.
I avoided the freeway on purpose, just for that reason.
I took a bunch of streets thinking I was outsmarting traffic.
I just drove right into it.
I kept taking more side streets to try to dodge it but that made me get further into it too.
There was crazy traffic because of a concert going on in Hollywood.
Alicia Keys and someone else were performing there.
I ended up missing a spot I had at a club called Bonkerz
I've never missed spot or show because I got caught in traffic before.
It felt weird.
When I was leaving the "oil change" sign lit up on my car.
I think it was the cars way of saying,
"I'm pissed off about the traffic too, Val"

I felt like I was being tested on whether or not I should stay in LA for good.

But enough about the 98 and 99 cent stores.

I got a parking ticket the other day.
It was because my car was parked too far away from the curb.
It SO wasn't by the way.

Last night when I came home I found an awesome parking space.
It was great.
I thought,
"I can't believe no one parked here."

It made me feel like a gifted parker of cars.

But this morning when I walked to my car I realized why no one had parked in the awesome parking space.
It was because it wasn't a parking space.
It was the entry to someone's driveway.
So you'd think I'd get a ticket for blocking a driveway.
No, no ticket.
Not even a note that said something like,
"Who the hell do you think you are blocking my driveway!'
Nothing.

It probably doesn't go down that way though.
If there is an employee discount for eployees at the 99 and 98 cent stores
I'm sure they just use it without shame because everyone likes a bargain.
Maybe there is just one person who works there who refuses to use it though.
They think they are too good for it.
All they ever talk about is how they don't need to be working at the 99 and 98 cent store.
The person is a rich eccentric who just works there for kicks.
At least that's what they claim...
They keep talking about how they live in a mansion.
But everyone at the 99 and 98 cent thinks the person is making it up all up,
and
they all agree that the person sucks.

I wonder if employees at the 98 and 99 cent stores get an employee discount.
If they do I bet they don't use it because they don't want to seem cheap.
It probably just makes for a good converstion piece amongst the staff when there aren't too many customers:
"Hey you guys do you dare me to use my employee discount? I'm going to do it. I swear!".

Then I bet that would be a funny story for awhile at the workplace:
"Remember that time Sally actually used her employee discount? That was hilarious.
Sally is out of her mind!"

I bet there is one person on the staff who uses the employee discount in an un-ironic fashion. Everyone probably makes fun of that person and sticks post it notes to their back that say things like,
"I'm full of non-cents".

It could have been the other way around.
Maybe the 98 cent store came out first.
Then someone got fired from that and thought,
"I'll show them.
I'll open up a store and charge one penny more and get more customers.
98 cents my ass!"

I wonder if the 99 cent store knows about the 98 cent store.
They must.
They probably found out about it right away.
I bet they were pissed for five minutes.
Then they started laughing when the five minutes was up.

They probably sent staff members over to the 98 cent store one at a time to keep asking questions like,
"How much does stuff cost here, 99 cents?"

Then the person working at the 98 cent store would be like,
"No 98 cents, just like the name of our store."

Then the 99 cent person would be like,
"Why is it cheaper than 99 cents. This store sucks. I'm going to the 99 cent store for one cent more of quality."

I drove past a 98 cent store yesterday.
I didn't know that there were 98 cent stores.
I've only seen 99 cent stores.

I wonder if what I saw was the only 98 cent store.
I bet it is, and the owner is a former employee of the 99 cent chain.
He or she got fired, then got pissed about the firing.
In retaliation the 98 cent store was opened.
Maybe not though.

One of my favorite things about driving is when someone flashes their lights at you
as a signal that a police car is up ahead checking your speed on a radar thing.
I think that's special that we've all come together as a people and created a signal
to help us avoid a speeding ticket.
That IS what that means, right?
Yeah, it is.
That would be weird if it didn't mean that
and
what it really meant was f-u.
It doesn't though...right?
Yeah.

Spiders should have hooves like horses.
That way you can hear them when they're approaching.
You'd hear them galloping.
But that might make them creepier.
Also, the hooves might make it difficult for them to hang out on their spider webs,
and
climb walls.
I guess hooves aren't a good idea after all.
It's a good thing they don't have them.
That worked out well.

Bees scare me though.
They scare most people.
For me the fear comes from wondering if the bee I'm seeing is a killer bee that wandered away from a huge swarm.
This has been a concern of mine ever since I saw some killer bee movie a few years ago.
There's a lot of killer bug movies.
Most of them seem to be about spiders though.
Killer spiders are scarier than bees.
Because they don't have to work in groups.
Most spiders seem to work solo
and
they walk really slow.
Which creeps me out.
Because that makes me think that they're cocky.
They're like,
"Hey ya know what, I'm deadly. You can run away and scream as loud as you want. I don't care. I'm just going to crawl really slow because I know it looks creepy and that's what I'm all about: creeping you out. So go ahead, run and scream.
I think it's hilarious."
I'm so glad spiders don't fly and make buzzing noises like bees.
That would be a scary movie:
Flyed-Buzzing-Killer-Jumbo-Spider

Yesterday there was a huge bee that kind of lunged at me.
Do bees lunge?
No, I don't think they do but I'm not sure what other word to use to describe the huge bee's action.
Swoop?
The huge bee swooped at me, and scared the shit out me?
Sure, why not.
The bee swooped at me and I started screaming and cursing at the top of my lungs.
And people in their cars saw me flipping out, and most likely heard me screaming at the abnormally huge bee.
But of course they probably didn't see the bee.
They just saw me flailing my arms like a crazy.
Great, I love when people randomly spy me flailing my arms and screaming.

I bet it wasn't even a bee.
It was huge.
It was a mutant, from a sewer.
Or maybe it was a humming bird,
with rabies.
Do humming birds attack like that?

I flew into LA yesterday.
It was alot more jam packed then some of the other flights I've been on this year.
Apparently the a flight to LA is a bit more in demand than a flight to Iowa,
or the Dakotas.
Who knew.